I went to sleep with a rock in my stomach.
Woke up with it, too.
That kind of sums up my twenties.
I was lost in not-knowing what to do with my life and an iffy relationship.
But he was just as lost.
And somehow, that felt safe.
I started and stopped two studies.
Rolled into an administrative job and ended that relationship.
Things lightened up. For a while.
Until that job didn’t fulfill me anymore, but hollowed me out instead.
And jobs after that did, too.
My whole twenties were colored by insecurity, not-knowing, and a constant sense of unease with my life:
This couldn’t be it.
Shouldn’t be it.
But I had NO idea what a life that felt like it was meant for me looked like.
I found my way, eventually.
Or actually, my way found me.
But I still remember what it was like to feel so lost in a life that looked pretty good from the outside.
Many of my clients are lost in a good-looking life, too.
Some look confident on the outside, but ask advice about every decision 67 times.
Some can never relax, not even when they sip an orange mocktail with a fun umbrella.
Some make more money than they could ever imagine, and still buy 1 dollar socks for fear of running out of money.
Their business is good, their life works, too.
But that sense of not-quite-arrived, not-quite-enough, not-quite-at-ease weighs on them.
They tried everything.
Coaching.
Meditation.
Just getting on with it.
(Fake it till you make it.)
Still nothing.
When they come to me, they’re often at a point where they don’t know what to do anymore.
There’s no tool out there they haven’t tried yet.
And if there is, they no longer trust it will work for them.
They’ve been disappointed enough to lose hope—if only a little.
They’re often almost ready to give up.
And, to equal parts relief, surprise, and slight disbelief, that’s what we actually do.
We stop analyzing why they can’t just be happy.
We stop trying to figure out what went wrong when they were still in the womb,
or what they subconsciously believe without even knowing it,
or what habit works against them most,
or what’s deeply wrong with them.
We stop it all.
And every time, the same thing happens.
Whatever your quest,
whatever your question …
Like mud settles in murky waters, leaving fresh clear water behind,
inner mud settles when you stop stirring it, too.
You stop replaying the conversation you had three years ago.
You stop checking if anyone liked your post 34 times in 5 minutes.
You stop feeling unsettled and not-enough.
When nothing works, it’s best to stop working.
Love,
P.S. When you feel unsettled somehow, even though your business and life look good from the outside, my private coaching might be for you.
In it, you stop trying to fix yourself or your life, and find what opens when you stop stirring the mud.
P.S. Liked this blog?
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