Life never made a deal with you

Earlier this year, there was a situation that triggered fears around health. All sorts of thoughts came by. Not the usual second-hand recycled nonsense, but fresh ones. Fears passed through, too, both ‘old’ and ‘new’.

I looked. Noticed. Felt. Experienced. Wished things were different, and looked at that, too.

And in the midst of all that turmoil, also calm. Peace. A felt sense of all-is-well-even-in-this.

And this passed through, too:

The sting of broken contracts.

I recognized that sting; it wasn’t new. I’ve felt it often since I was a little kid:

When I don’t bother others, they don’t bother me. (They did.)

When I do good, good things will come to me. (Meh.)

When I follow my calling and give it my all, I’ll be eternally happy and money will flow (Well …)

Broken contracts.

I held my end of the deal, but the returns were questionable. And I felt betrayed.

Now, that same field became active again. How was this situation possible? The deal was clear: I take good care of myself and get good health in return. Right? Right?!?

What used to come up when the pain of broken contracts was activated:

Clinging. Grasping for control:

What can I do? How can I solve this? How can I fix this?

The endless search for more knowledge and understanding. Just get to know ALL there is to know— and power shifts back from life to me.

The frantic actions. The mindset work, the energy work, the healing work. Another course, another book, another tool. (Still no control.)

This time:

The seeing of it all. The rising of all habits and not grabbing onto them.

No distraction from the fear of no control. No suppressing it. No trying to wriggle my way out of fear. No rationalizing, soothing, or fleeing.

Just—

being in it. With all resistance that came with it.

And instead of spiraling into despair there was calm. Stillness. All-is-well-ness.

The situations didn’t change.

The feelings did.

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Love,

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