Quantum jumping.
Bending reality.
And good old manifesting (parking spot, anyone?).
𝗜𝘁 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗿𝗮𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗻𝗲𝘁.
“You can create and manifest anything you want.
You can be anything, become anyone.
It’s all in your hands.”
So seductive.
So attractive.
𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗦𝗢 𝗕𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗬.
I wanted to be a master manifestor.
Sometimes, I seemed to be:
Clients showing up out of the blue.
Financial windfalls.
All the result of my positive thinking!
My visualizing, my energy,
and the way I used an amazing manifesting tool.
But then there were times I did NOT get what I wanted.
Even though I visualized it.
Even though I did the mindset work, the energy work,
the tapping into magic …
Nothing happened.
𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗹𝘆?
NOT manifesting something happened FAR MORE OFTEN.
But I kept going.
Doubled down on becoming that master manifestor.
Why?
What was the 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 seduction here?
The real seduction was power.
Hope.
Certainty.
Safety.
It was the seduction of the belief that I was in control.
That I was safe.
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 … 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁?
(And who or what 𝘸𝘢𝘴?)
Then I was just here.
Unguarded.
Unprotected.
At life’s mercy.
A powerless puppet without control or consent.
So of course I wanted to believe I was a powerful creator in control of my life.
When I seemed to have manifested something, I was happy.
Manifesting 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴, people!
I did this!
But since manifesting did NOT work in some areas that were super important to me …
I felt bad.
About myself.
𝗜𝗳 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 …
and there are so many LOA people who manifest the craziest things …
and I just can’t get something no matter what I do …
Then there are only a couple of possible conclusions:
I’m doing something wrong.
There’s still a secret I don’t know.
Or …
There’s something wrong with me.
I did not want to entertain the thought that maybe,
manifesting did NOT work.
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 thought was unacceptable.
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 … I had no control.
No power.
And I was never safe.
So I kept working on my creator skills.
On my mindset, my energy, my vibration.
I was going to be a master manifestor!
I did not accept anything less!
I did not become a master manifestor.
𝗦𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝗜 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 (𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁 ;-)) 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱:
The interest in manifesting fell away.
Not because I chose it.
It just … happened.
A different realization appeared:
That I am not that separate person creating my own life,
as every manifesting theory assumes.
That I don’t do or create anything.
It’s all life.
Happening.
Seemingly as and through me, but in reality … all life.
Only life.
𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗰𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀.
A wave might think it’s a separate unit, making its way to shore on its own.
“See me dance!”, it may think.
“See me jump and spray and twist and turn!
See me run towards the shore, pull back, storm forwards!”,
it may believe, before it happily crashes and ‘dies’.
But it was never the wave moving, running, slowing, crashing.
It was always the ocean.
𝗪𝗲’𝗿𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘃𝗲𝘀.
Seemingly separate, running to shore on our own, by our own doing.
But it’s always, and only, life.
Moving as you, as me, as every manifesting theory.
For some, manifesting seems to work.
That’s how life moves,
seemingly as masters of creation.
For others, manifesting doesn’t seem to work.
That’s how life moves,
seemingly as people who can’t get the hang of it.
For me, I used to love it and no longer play with it.
That’s how life moves,
seemingly as me.
𝗜𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗜 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.
I wanted to find ways to incorporate the workings of the law of attraction into nondualism somehow.
I know there’s no separate ‘me’ to control anything …
but can I keep a little control?
I know I’m not the one manifesting anything,
but perhaps I can still manifest this one thing
that feels so important right now?
That clinging to old stories of safety and control dropped.
Not ‘my’ doing.
Just life, happening.
𝗜 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸,
it was just the mind claiming victory over something it played no part in.
Yes, I visualized.
Or rather: visualizing happened.
Yes, the thing that was visualized appeared.
Not because of the visualizing.
Not because of ‘me’.
It just happened.
𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 ‘𝗜’ 𝗱𝗶𝗱.
It never was.
Always life, happening.
Love,
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