When I lost almost all hearing in my right ear overnight

Recently, I experienced a significant loss in hearing in my right ear overnight, out of the blue, accompanied by a constant beeb (tinnitus) and reverb.

One hospital visit later, this much is clear:

They have no idea what it is or what caused it, and can’t do anything about it.

There’s a 3% chance it’s a benign tumor, pressing down on some nerves.

If it is that, there’s nothing they can do about that either—until it grows and causes more complaints, in which case they’ll operate.

“A tricky operation,” the doctor told me.

None of that is the case right now.

So there’s nothing to worry about.

Right?

Well …

The first week, the mind did what it’s programmed to do.

In trying to keep you safe, it tries to control what happens. (Not possible.)

It wants to fix what’s wrong.

And it brings up scenarios about future disasters that may or may not happen. (Another attempt to keep you safe: if you know what might come, you can prepare.)

The body went in nervous system overdrive every now and then as well.

And even though it was uncomfortable at times, it was also … good.

And light.

Years ago, I’d have sprung into frantic action trying to fix this thing:

Mindset work, healings, and gathering tons of information.

Those used to be my way of coping, managing, or trying to control what happened.

(In the moments I wasn’t distracting myself or avoiding the discomfort.)

And I’d have resisted the crap out of the whole thing. (Especially the constant beeping and reverb.)

This time, I did none of that.

I stayed in the moment.

Watched the scary stories come and go.

Let the nervous system do its thing.

And accepted the situation from the get-go.

The mind quieted on its own.

(And it only piped up several times a day—it wasn’t yapping constantly, like it used to.)

That difference didn’t come from willpower or figuring it out. 

It came from not doing any of that. 

The beeping is still there. 

The reverb too. 

And somehow—so is the quiet underneath it.

Love,

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