Throughout my teens and twenties, I didn’t think humanity was worth much.
Apart from a couple of handfuls of people I loved and appreciated, I thought the rest of us were pretty much crap. I felt like my soul took a wrong turn at birth and I accidentally landed on the wrong planet.
Of course, this view on life was a reflection of my unhealed wounds and pains. But I didn’t know that at the time.
I slowly started healing those unhealed parts from the time I was around 27-ish or so.
Until I reached the point where I thought I’d embraced humanity and being human. Not only embraced but celebrated even!
And then, the pandemic hit. HAHAHAAAA!!! Oh my.
What a great test drive for my pretty fresh found love of humanity! ;-))
Over the past two years residues of those old pains got triggered again.
And again. And again.
Nothing major. Just the occasional thought or temporary dark mood.
Just yesterday, for example, some slightly violent thoughts entered my mind when I opened Twitter and saw a couple of posts filled with hate towards people who decided to make a different choice for their body and health than the authors would have liked.
My initial response to the hate I read was to hate them right back.
Which is fine.
We all have our shadows and darkness. It’s what you DO with it that matters.
Do you deny you have any darkness inside you?
Do you quickly suppress any ‘dark’ thought, feel guilty about thinking it, and / or shame yourself for it?
Do you pour a fake love-and-light sauce over it, pretending your thoughts and feelings are always upbeat and filled with kindness and compassion?
Do you lash out at others, blame them, shame them, belittle them, curse them, hurt them, try to manipulate, control, or force them?
Or … do you acknowledge how you feel?
Allow yourself to BE with your feelings?
Do you take responsibility for what you feel and then heal what needs healing? Do you choose to respond from and with LOVE, towards yourself and others?
As much as I sometimes feel a split-second urge to smack someone over the head to knock some sense into them, that’s not what I do.
Because I know better.
Because I choose better.
Because I am very conscious of who and how I choose to be.
Because I choose to respond from love—for myself and for the other.
(Which isn’t always easy. And every time it’s not easy to respond to another from a place of love, this shows me where I can love and heal myself even more. As within, so without. And then I take my responsibility and heal what needs healing.)
This morning, I saw some hateful stuff on Twitter again.
(I know, whyyyyyyyyyy do I still go there from time to time?! I’ve got some more inner exploring to do there. ;-))
But this morning, I felt calm.
I didn’t let it get to me.
I stopped reading and closed Twitter.
I took a deep breath and looked outside. I saw some playful rays of sunshine peeking through grey clouds.
I took a sip of tasteful tea my love made for me.
I thought of all the beautiful conversations and connections I experienced this week.
I saw my tiny Christmas trees and candlelight.
And I remembered.
I remembered who I really am.
I remembered how much I love life.
I remembered how much I love being on this planet, being human, being here, being here in THIS time.
I remembered that all is well and that I chose to be here.
My soul chose to be here now and play her part in the transition humanity is going through.
And I choose, again, to see the good and the love that shines so brightly in this world.
Yes, you have to actively look for it at times, but when you do, you’ll always find it.
Happy weekend, lovely human!