A wound many women have in common is this:

The fear that you ask too much, that you take up too much space, or that you ARE too much.

A deep-rooted fear that you’re a burden just by being alive.

A fear you’re usually not consciously aware of, that hums in the background coloring your actions and energy so you play smaller than you’d like.

This wound originates from two sources.

One, from experiences in your (early) childhood, like being told you should be quieter or shouldn’t ask so much. (Or any kind of experience that made you feel that you were in the way, leading you to believe that this was somehow your fault or there was something wrong with you.)

The other source is the way women have been treated and told for centuries that they’re second-rate people.

There’s always been less space for women.

Women still earn less than men; the majority of board rooms are filled with mostly men; women get less time to speak and are interrupted quicker and more often than men, as we could see in political debates in The Netherlands last week; etc. etc.

ALL these things give women the same message: you are less than.

You’re not allowed to take up as much space as men. You’re not entitled to take up as much time as men.

The reason I share these backgrounds with you is to bring you a VERY important insight that helps you heal from this wound so you can STOP playing smaller and making yourself smaller:

IT’S NOT YOU.

You were never too much. You never took up too much space. You never asked for too much.

You just mistakenly assumed that other people’s behavior and words were your fault and meant that you did something wrong and / or that there was something wrong with you.  

You just happened to be born as a woman in a world that does not equally appreciate men and women. (And actively oppressed and suppressed women for centuries.)

You thought you were to blame.

But you never were.

You thought you did something wrong.

But you never did. (And even IF you did something wrong, which of course you did sometimes, like all of us do, this only meant that you did a wrong thing. This never meant that everything you do is wrong or that you’re inherently flawed.)

You thought there’s something wrong with you.

There isn’t. And there never was.

You’re meant to be exactly who you are.

Who you are is exactly who you’re supposed to be to live the life your soul chose to experience.

Who you are is exactly who you’re supposed to be to make a difference.

Who you are, who you TRULY are, is absolutely magnificent.

There was never anything wrong with you.

You were born to be you, ALL of you.

You were born to spread your wings and fly.

You were born to be free, to sparkle and shine your brightest light.

So go put your shine back on, baby!

You know you want nothing more than be ALL that you are and fulfill your potential without apologizing or compromising.

Love,

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