When you leave something old behind and something new is emerging, you’re in the in-between phase where the old hasn’t left and the new hasn’t arrived yet.
You’re in the messy middle.
That’s where I’m at now. I’m super tired because I haven’t slept well in over 2 weeks. I’m cranky on and off for no reason. I feel uncomfortable without knowing what it is that feels uncomfortable exactly.
It feels like something is about to erupt or break free but it’s not happening yet. And there’s nothing I can do to hasten the process. I’d like to. 🙂 But I can’t.
I noticed I fell back into and old pattern of controlling what goes on around me. Because what happens on the inside feels out of my control, I try to get a sense of comfort and safety by trying to control what goes on around me. ‘Trying’ being the key word here. Because this strategy doesn’t work. I KNOW that. That didn’t stop me from trying anyway. But this morning I surrendered.
Because the best way to deal with ANYTHING is by BEING with it. By facing what you feel and what’s happening on the INSIDE.
So instead of trying to control a number of things, I put my focus where it should be instead: on my inner world.
I’m changing and leaving my old self, my old life, old identities, stories and beliefs behind me. The old is burning away. I can literally feel it when super high vibe energy swirls around and inside my belly at night, an energy so active I can’t sleep through it.
I’m not sure what exactly is falling away and I don’t know what’s emerging in its place. I don’t know what will change or if it will change anything at all. I don’t know how long it will take and I don’t know what it will bring. I can’t control any of it.
And I’m fine with that. I choose to have faith in the process, my soul, myself. I choose to surrender to it all, to be okay with not knowing, and to just BE in each moment with whatever IS in that moment.
I’m in the messy middle of transformation and growth, and that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.
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