Last week, I went to the cremation of someone in my family.

For most people, this is a given:

Of course you go to funerals!

And weddings!

That’s the normal, decent thing to do! 


For me, it’s not.

You can celebrate with someone without attending their wedding. (Or party. Or whatever else social thing you’re invited to.)

Saying goodbye to someone who’s passed away is something you can do energetically (which is how you do it anyway.)

And being there for the people who are left behind, is something you can do whether you attend the funeral or not.


I ALWAYS feel into my truth in that moment BEFORE I say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to anything.

And I gave myself full permission to do whatever feels best for me always a long time ago.

Even when my decision disappoints others.

Even when what I choose makes others feel uncomfortable.

And most definitely when it makes myself feel uncomfortable.

(Which still happens sometimes!)


These are the questions I use to feel into my decision – feel free to use them for your own decisions as well:

  • Is this where I want and choose to be?

  • What feels right and true for me in this moment?


  • And why do I feel that way?


  • If I feel I want to say ‘yes’: is it because I REALLY want to? Or because I’m afraid others will hold it against me when I say no?


  • If I feel I want to say ‘no’: is it because I REALLY don’t want to? Or is there something that scares me about saying ‘yes’?


  • If I didn’t feel ANY social/group pressure: what would I do?


  • If I allowed myself to do EXACTLY what’s best for me, without taking into consideration what others may or may not think about it: what would I do?


I give myself time to feel into all these questions before I make a decision. 

I feel my way to my truth – and then act upon it.

This time, the outcome was that I said yes.

Other times the outcome is that I say no.


I’m sharing this because this is a part of being Divinely Selfish in action:

To ALWAYS give yourself space to feel into your own truth, regardless of what others think or expect.

To give yourself FULL permission to do what’s best for you – even when that’s not considered ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ or ‘nice’. Even when your decision disappoints others.

To ALWAYS check in with yourself before you make ANY decision about ANYTHING.

To ALWAYS be honest with yourself about the REAL reason you do something: because you truly want this? OR do you go against your truth to avoid doing something that feels difficult or scary?

And to give yourself full permission to conform or do things you don’t want to do – as long as you’re honest with yourself about the real reason you do something, so you don’t blame others or hold others responsible for your decisions.

(Because when you do things to please others or to not rock the boat or because others put pressure on you? It’s still YOUR decision to give into the pressure/fear/doubts –  or not.

Your decisions are always on you, and that’s a GOOD thing!! If you want access to 100% of your power, you need to take 100% responsibility for ALL your choices and decisions – YOU are in charge always!)


I hope this inspires you in some way!

And if it triggers you?

It’s interesting to explore what exactly got triggered:

What are you afraid of?

What exactly made you feel uncomfortable?

It’s all good and all your feelings are always allowed to be present and felt.

To being true to YOU in everything you do! 





P.S.: I shared these questions and why I don’t always attend funerals or weddings (or any social thing, really) last week with the women in the Divinely Selfish Community.

‘Cause this is part of Divine Selfishness in action – which is what the community is all about:

Putting yourself first in business & life, so you can serve without suffering, without compromising, and you can make a difference and a contribution as a result of being true to yourself – not despite of it.


You can read all about & sign up for it here.

P.P.S.: Want to grow your business based on your TRUE dream and who you REALLY are?

Without changing who you are, compromising, overworking, or doing things you hate?

I can help.

Check out my 1-1 coaching here.


©️ Brigitte van Tuijl

Want more articles like this automatically delivered to your inbox?

AND receive additional tips, inspiration & occasional gifts that I don’t share anywhere else?

Sign up for weekly(ish) updates below!

Enter your email to get FREE weekly (ish) updates on doing business & life YOUR way: