The ONE question that annoys the crap out of me. 

(Heads up: ranty post including mild exaggeration and perhaps a curse or two.)




There’s ONE question that annoyed the CRAP out of me, always.

People don’t often ask me this anymore, but if I had a dime for every time they did, I’d be a billionaire now.

This question is not only annoying but also SUPER biased.

It comes from limited ways of thinking and being.

And from a VERY narrow perspective of what’s normal – and why can’t you just be normal like the rest of us?

This already explains why this question is annoying, but I’ll go into even more ranty detail below.

Simply because I feel like a little rant right now 😉


Here’s that super fucking annoying question:

Why don’t you want children?


Now why this is a lousy question, in addition to the reasons I already gave above?

First of all, because this is a question people only ask women.

That is: maaaayyyyybe it’s a question people ask men, but if they do? It’s a question that comes from genuine curiosity.

But when people ask women this question?

It’s usually with an undertone of disbelief and accusation:

You’d better have a DAMN good explanation for this nonsense, young lady!!!

This of course was never actually said but definitely implied.

(Which is why, at some point around my 20s or so, I started to answer this question with:

“Because I hate children.”

Haha! That shut people up real good 🙂

And you should have seen their faces! Hilarious.)


What’s annoying is that women are still seen as brooding machines with a natural love for birthing and taking care of kids (and their partner. And their friends. And their parents. And anyone, always, everywhere, really.)

If you don’t want children?

You’re a deviant. Selfish. Weird.

And you also don’t know yourself very well: of COURSE you want children some day, you silly thing! Just wait until you’re older. But don’t wait too long, or you’ll regret it when you’re too old to still have a chance at popping out a kid or 2.


Plus, as I already mentioned: men don’t get this question.

And if they do, they are not expected to explain themselves.

Of course not!

Men are natural hunters and builders who go out in the world and get things done. No one questions it when men don’t have or don’t want children. (Or DO have them but don’t really have an active role in their life.)

And hey, they can still knock someone up at age 105, so no need to bother them with any warnings or advice of it ‘being too late one day’ either.


Plus we all know that men get their fulfillment from their work in the world and women get their fulfillment from changing diapers and wiping snot, so it’s simply not a topic associated with men to begin with.



Because NO ONE asks ANYONE why they DO want children.


Which is a MUCH better question that SHOULD be asked more often. Maybe even in general!

I mean, with all the ways millions of children are neglected and hurt and abused BY THEIR OWN PARENTS day in day out all over the world, it’s always been a mystery to me how it’s possible that you need a license or permit for EVERYTHING from driving a car to rebuilding your shed, but raising an actual living breathing human being?

Sure, go ahead.


You’ll know what to do and if not, ah hell, just wing it – society will deal with the fall out later.

And the kid can sort the shit you bestowed on them later when they’re an adult. Or not, and pass it on to their own kids, who cares? That’s how we’ve always done it, so let’s just continue doing it this way.


There you go.

These are ALLLLLLL my reasons why I loathe this question.

And even though the last 2 or 3 times someone asked me this question it came from genuine curiosity, it has been asked SO often with disbelief, accusation and an undertone of ‘explain yourself!’, that I might potentially still have some residual dislike within me 😉

That’s gone now, though.

Writing this blog was wonderfully cathartic 🙂

And the next time someone asks me this question? If ever?

It probably won’t annoy me anymore (depending on the underlying intention it’s asked with.) I may even answer it. Or not. Whatever I feel like.


Oh, and if you wonder why I post this blog – that doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with business or my general message?

Here’s why.



To being true to YOU in everything you do,







©️ Brigitte van Tuijl

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