“So, if I translate this into my own words: I want too much, too fast, and I put too much pressure on myself?” I asked.

“Yes,“ he said, after having explained in technical detail how my body doesn’t produce enough melatonin, the sleep hormone. And that’s why I was sleeping so lousy lately.

“It’s like a busy highway of thoughts in your brain,” he said, “you’re always thinking about multiple things, always wanting, always striving.”


And I could heal this issue myself:

By being more in the moment, content with what I’d done that day, not constantly thinking about all the things I didn’t get done – especially at night, right before sleep.

Then, my body would soon enough make more melatonin and I’d sleep through the night again.


Yes, I noticed my brain is often busy.

But since I’m ALSO good at relaxing and being in the moment, I hadn’t noticed that, most of the time, I’m actually NOT present in the moment.

That’s what I’m only realizing now.

Most of the time, my mind is busy and all over the place.


Some people dwell on the past.

I tend to dwell on the future.

Some people dwell on whatever didn’t work before or what happened yesterday.

I tend to dwell on what I want to happen later: later today, tomorrow, this week, some time.

And in those moments, I’m NOT fully present in THIS moment.


But life happens NOW, in THIS moment, and the next, and the next.

And only now that I sleep so lousy most nights, and have been for a while, and I HATE that, ‘cause it fogs up my brain and I SO LOVE TO SLEEP! – only now, do I REALLY see the side effects of not being fully present in this moment.

I KNOW all this, but, as so often, there’s always a deeper layer: more knowing to sink into, more being different and more doing different to embrace.


The side-effect is NOT just sleeping like shit, which is bad enough as it is.

Other side-effects are that I’m not fully LIVING.

I miss part of life because I’m not fully present where life happens: NOW, in THIS moment, and the next.

I miss part of my FLOW, because, again, you can only FULLY be in flow and tap into your full inner wisdom & intuition when you are present NOW.

I worry more, overthink more, and am often focused on what I don’t yet  have, instead of on all the things I DO already have and achieved.


Again, I KNOW all this.

But, apparently, I wasn’t fully LIVING it.


That changes now.

I want my sleep back.

I want FULL access to life, flow, love & joy.

ALL of those are found IN THIS MOMENT ALWAYS.


I made the decision that being present in this moment is my new default state two days ago.

Last night, I was awake, again, when I suddenly felt a HUGE wave of relaxation and inner peace move over me and through me.

It felt so good.

And with it, came sleep.

A long, luscious sleep.

And I still feel so calm and relaxed now, after being up for hours already.


Life ALWAYS brings you exactly what you need to express your soul, to live your purpose, to grow, to LIVE.

Apparently what I most need right now is this: to be fully present in each moment.


Maybe that’s what YOU need right now as well.

And life, your soul, your intuition, guided you to this blog for that reason.

Who knows.

(Well, YOU know.)

No matter how present you are in this moment, there’s always a next or deeper level to stretch into.

To presence and flow,


© Brigitte van Tuijl



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