For the past couple of days, I FINALLY enjoyed working on my book again.
I’ve been working on it daily for the past couple of weeks, but jeez, that felt like a chore/struggle almost every day.
But I showed up and did it anyway.
Because writing is my soul’s work.
Because at my core, I am a writer.
I can also call myself a coach, an entrepreneur, a (spiritual) teacher and a healer.
All of that’s true, and I love ALL of it – or I wouldn’t be doing it.
But of all the labels I can stick on myself, WRITER is the only one that makes my soul and every cell of my body smile.
I wrote before, sure.
A couple of blogs per week, every week.
But that’s not the same as writing actual BOOKS.
I only wrote one of those.
And fully embracing myself as a WRITER and making my writing (and reading!) a priority EVERY SINGLE DAY?
No. I haven’t done that yet.
With the exception of the 6 or so weeks it took me to write my first book.
But once the book was done?
‘Normal’ business and life took over again.
I moved to a new apartment; promoted the book; created new programs; started working globally instead of in The Netherlands only with new programs for a new audience; made a success of that; and I built my business completely around me being a hermit, so I can grow my business AND enjoy an incredibly empty schedule and tons of alone time all at the same time.
Lots to be proud of, grateful for, and happy with.
But writing books?
And now building my business & life & my days around THAT?
I had not done that yet.
For the same reasons most people shy away from the full depth of their soul’s work:
It brings up every fear, every doubt, and every thought, belief and story that’s in the way of expressing your soul FULLY.
And THAT is the REAL work of doing your soul’s work:
Facing everything it triggers.
(Almost) constantly moving through doubts, through fears, through resistance.
Doing your soul’s work, the REAL work you’re meant to (and ache!) do, requires you to strip yourself completely.
To strip down everything, EVERYTHING, that you are not.
To embrace everything, EVERYTHING, that you ARE.
No wound no scar no shame no guilt no false belief can survive.
Your soul’s work needs you to be brave, to be open, to be vulnerable.
It is confronting.
Not something I necessarily feel like 24/7.
And it also….
Is LIFE itself.
It’s not that I haven’t been doing my soul’s work at all.
But this final part, this last piece, happens to be the most CRUCIAL piece of all.
And I finally fully accepted it now.
I thought I did that before, and maybe I have, but I had NOT turned that into any action.
Or else my first English book would be ready by now.
But this time, it’s real.
This time, I finally embraced myself as a WRITER.
And my day to day life is now a reflection of that – even if it’s only been so for a couple of days.
I’m not backing down anymore.
It probably won’t change much on the outside of my business:
I’ll still coach and do the things I now do.
And books will be added, one at a time, from now on.
Other than that, I’m not sure much will change.
But on the inside?
EVERYTHING feels different.
And completely normal at the same time.
I am a writer.
I am home.
© Brigitte van Tuijl