Five years ago I started working globally, and I switched from working in Dutch to working in English.
After I sent out my second or so English newsletter, I received an email from one of my (Dutch) readers.
She started her email by saying how fantastic it was that I followed my dream.
However, she suggested, I might want to continue writing in Dutch, and have a professional translator translate my articles.
“Otherwise, “she wrote, “I fear your business will fail miserably in a short period of time.”
I forgot all about this until five minutes ago, when I was searching for a yin yoga class on YouTube.
I found one that looked promising. From a Dutch yoga teacher who teaches her classes in English.
I quickly scrolled through the comments to see if people enjoyed this class.
My eye was instantly caught by this comment – it was posted in Dutch; this translation is mine:
“Even though your class is good, it would be best to either teach in Dutch, OR hire a native English speaker voice-over.”
Aaah! There it was again: unsolicited advice.
Presented as help, coming from a sincere place of only having your best interest at heart.
But it’s not help.
There’s nothing sincere about it.
It is condescending, disrespectful, and serves only two purposes:
- To bring you down or make you question, doubt, or feel bad about yourself,
- The unsolicited advice-giver can feel better about herself, instead of dealing with whatever issue inside herself that got triggered by seeing you do your thing.
The unsolicited-advice giver feels trapped, scared, or powerless in one or more areas of her business or life.
Whatever it is, she is NOT addressing it.
She covers it up and tries to make herself believe that if she just pretends nothing is wrong, the issue will go away.
But it won’t.
Not looking at something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
And now your action or just the fact that you’re alive, woke up her issue.
How dare you!
You must be brought DOWN. To your KNEES. You must suffer for what you did!
If you’re ever on the receiving end of unsolicited advice like this?
Remind yourself where it comes from, get angry if you need to get it out of your system, and that’s it.
Don’t respond, just ignore it.
And if you ever feel like giving this kind of unsolicited advice?
If you ever feel the urge to bring someone down?
Stop. Turn inwards. Ask yourself what got triggered inside you. Ask yourself what pain or fear woke up inside you. Ask yourself what you REALLY need to heal and feel better.
If there’s something you want to do in your business or life, but you’re afraid of how others will react?
If they will criticize you, send you unfriendly emails, make nasty remarks?
Remind yourself where it comes from.
And don’t let it stop you from following your heart, from doing what’s right for you.
Screw unsolicited advice and the people who give it.
And don’t ever let them stop you from doing what YOU want to do.
© Brigitte van Tuijl
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