I remember emailing one of my coaches years ago when I was stressed out over money.
I wrote how worried I was about not having money, and the rent being almost due, and being overdrawn on all my accounts and how I was freaking out because I didn’t know how to pay the rent that month.
“So what?” she emailed me back, “don’t worry about it, it’s no big deal.”
She wrote more, but this sentence jumped out for me.
Because it TOTALLY pissed me off when I first read it.
Who the hell did she think she was to tell me NOT to worry about something as serious as this?!
And it was easy for HER to say; she was not the one struggling to make ends meet and trying to figure out where the rent would come from!
AND….I also knew that she was right.
Worrying about it would NOT bring me any solutions.
And in my mind, I made a MUCH bigger deal of it than it was:
I already saw myself starving in a gutter somewhere, after I couldn’t pay my rent for months in a row.
And I felt like a complete and utter loser and failure, not worthy of breathing precious oxygen meant for more deserving human beings.
I let my fears run wild.
And made a WAY out of proportion big deal of the actual situation:
I was in a money crunch and needed money fast. So I could pay my rent and some bills.
And if I were late, I’d first get a reminder. And then, maybe a late fee.
So what indeed?
Worrying wasn’t going to bring me any solutions or brilliant ideas.
So I relaxed, even though part of me wanted to go on making a big deal of it.
But I was DONE blowing it out of proportion.
It didn’t serve me, took away my power, made me feel like shit, and made it impossible for me to come up with ideas that would solve my situation.
Making a big deal out of it was not bringing me closer to a solution.
So I might as well STOP doing that, and see where that got me.
That’s what I did.
I relaxed. And I was still in a money crunch, but I stopped worrying about it.
For every problem, there’s a solution. And I trusted I would find that.
Which I did.
I still blow things out of proportion sometimes.
But I notice myself doing it much faster now. I let go of it much faster.
And soooo many things I used to make a big deal of before, I no longer give a flying fuck about anymore, ever.
But the most important thing I’ve learned over the years is this:
That NOTHING is a big deal unless and until you MAKE IT SO YOURSELF.
And the same is true for you:
99% of all the things you worry about and make a big deal of?
Are really NOT the big deal you think it is.
You MAKE it so, just like I did and still sometimes do.
And in doing so, you feel like a victim, have no access to your power, and you can’t see the solution that’s already right under your nose or just around the corner.
It’s not a big deal that someone unsubscribed from your newsletter.
It’s not a big deal that you send out an email with the wrong link in it.
It’s not a big deal that someone didn’t like your blog or said NO to your offer.
It doesn’t mean ANYTHING besides what YOU MAKE IT MEAN.
If you’re making a big deal of something right now, maybe get pissed at me first for all the same reasons I was pissed all those years ago when my coach told me not to make a big deal out of my money crunch.
And when you’re done being pissed, ask yourself this:
What’s really going on here?
What are the facts?
And what am I making it mean?
Try it. DO it. Seriously.
Because the moment you calm down, and you see how you make something a big deal, and see how you can also choose to STOP doing that?
That is SUCH a relief!
You’ll feel calmer again. Be open to get ideas and inspirations and see solutions again.
Plus: when has worrying about something EVER brought you brilliant ideas or solutions?
Didn’t these ALWAYS ONLY come in that ONE moment you did NOT think about whatever it was you were worrying about?
Stop making a big deal out of anything and everything.
It’s OK to be sad and to vent and to cry and to be angry FIRST.
Let your emotions out if you need to, and THEN take a step back to see what’s really going on, and what you’re projecting onto it that has nothing to do with it.
It’s liberating. And super empowering.
Step back into your power, baby!
It’s inside you always 😉
©️ Brigitte van Tuijl
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