I missed a sense of meaning & purpose, and knew for sure that I did NOT want to spend the rest of my life feeling like that.
So I hired my very first coach to find out two things:
#1 What I truly wanted to do with my life & my work (finding my soul’s purpose, finding that thing that gives meaning to your life),
#2 Get clear on what the reason was that I hadn’t figured all this out by now.
Because I realized, even back then, when I hadn’t yet heard of underlying blocks, beliefs or fears and how these influence you and determine your results:
If there’s some kind of obstacle or something inside me that prevents me from doing what I most love to do, I need to know about it, so I can transform it or get rid of it.
Otherwise I end up KNOWING what I want, but still not LIVING it.
And that won’t make a fucking difference and keep me trapped in dead-end jobs for the rest of my life, right?
Pretty soon I realized what my biggest block was:
I was so scared of finally knowing what I TRULY wanted and then not being able to LIVE it, to make it work, to actually RECEIVE it, that I’d rather NOT know.
Because as long as I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life & my work, I could still believe there WAS something I truly wanted, and I WOULD find it some day, if only I kept searching.
There would still be HOPE.
But if I DID know what my purpose was, and what I most wanted to contribute to with my work, and then it didn’t work out…..
Then all would be lost.
And I would end up in a black hole of hopelessness and without ANY chance of ever finding anything better.
I would have had my chance, and that chance was now gone, and I’d spend the rest of my life in misery until I finally died.
I know, a super bleak and dramatic fear that I didn’t even CONSCIOUSLY believed once I uncovered it.
Which is what so often happens when you’re TRULY WILLING to look your deepest fear in the face and shine a powerful spotlight on them:
They evaporate the moment they surface.
So I instantly knew I didn’t truly believe this fear.
I didn’t fully trust myself yet to not let this – or another fear – stop me in my tracks.
So I decided to train myself in overcoming fears.
And asked myself:
What is the thing I MOST fear right now?
What scares me SO much that even THINKING about it paralyzes me and takes my breath away?
The answer back then was this:
To quit the job I had BEFORE I had another job, and WITHOUT having savings to fall back on
Thinking about it scared the CRAP out of me.
And I decided this would be an EXCELLENT move to make, if only to experience what it did to me to DO THE THING THAT SCARED ME THE MOST.
So I quit my job.
With the money I had in my bank plus my final paycheck, I had about 6 weeks left before my money would have run out completely.
And you know what?
I didn’t freak out.
As a matter of fact:
I felt calmer and more at peace than I had in a long, looooong time.
Those 6 weeks went by in state of bliss and joy:
No more getting up to go face another endless day in a crap job for a total lame ass boss with ‘morals’ and ‘ethics’ that TOTALLY went against everything I believed in.
No more feeling like I sold my soul for a lousy paycheck.
No more feeling that life was passing me by, and I was a powerless bystander, completely at the mercy of whatever happened to me or around me.
It was HEAVEN.
I signed up with temp agencies and regularly called them to see if they had something for me.
And that was it.
I didn’t worry. I didn’t panic or stress out.
I figured it would all work out.
And it DID:
When the 6 weeks were over and I thought: well, something should happen now. Hm. I wonder what’s next? – the phone rang.
One of the temp agencies had a job for me.
I went for an interview that same day and started working there soon after.
Over the years, I took more leaps into the scariest thing I could think of at that time:
Quitting my last job to start my own business.
Writing my first book.
And completely turning my Dutch business around and started working globally and in English with a completely new audience & offerings.
It ALWAYS worked out. It was ALWAYS a relief. And the fear was ALWAYS GONE the exact moment I TOOK THE DAMN LEAP I WAS SO SCARED OF.
I still get scared sometimes.
I still get scared OFTEN.
Sometimes it’s a relatively small fear, that actually upon further reflection is merely a doubt or feeling uncomfortable for moving into something unknown.
Other times, it’s breathtakingly scary and I can hardly go near the fear ‘cause it feels like I might die if I come too close to it.
And yet, in the end, I ALWAYS end up doing the things that I fear:
Because I KNOW it’s always scariest BEFORE you do it.
Because I KNOW it always works out in the end.
And because I CHOSE to liberate myself from everything that stands in the way of living in complete inner freedom.
Because I CHOSE, and STILL EVERY DAY CHOOSE, to live my DREAMS. NOT my fears.
What do YOU choose?
And if you choose to live your dreams instead of your fears:
What will you do TODAY?
To facing fears and feeling excited and alive!!
© Brigitte van Tuijl
P.S.: Your inner blocks & obstacles are the ONLY thing standing between you and whatever it is you most want to experience or achieve.
Clearing those blocks is all you have to do to live your DREAMS instead of your fears.
It’s not always easy to cut through your own crap or heal your own inner turmoil, though.
In it, you get you the tools, clearings, (healing) energy, mindset & exercises to transform and shift your inner crap, so it no longer holds you back.
This month’s theme is all about learning to FULLY trust yourself.
(‘Cause what do you EVER have to worry about when you trust yourself to be able to handle everything that comes your way?)
AND as an EXTRA bonus, you get FREE access to my upcoming workshop ‘No Goals, No Plans, No Soul-Sucking Strategies – grow your business organically, intuitively & 100% YOUR way.’
(I’ll be charging 197 for this workshop alone…so joining me in RISE is a much better deal!
You can join RISE for 88 Euros per month; stay as long as you like, and cancel anytime)
And you get instant access to this month’s topic & healing energy; the bonus program Business Magic (a 597 Euro program!); all previous materials; and automatic access to the workshop I mentioned above.