Last week, I watched the documentary ‘I Am Not Your Guru’ with Tony Robbins.

(A MUST see by the way. It’s seriously fantastic & inspiring.)

One of the things that jumped out for me, was the concept of your primary question: the one question you ask more than any other question.

Your questions determine what you focus on. And what you focus on determines your results.

So if you want to change your results, one of the things that’s worth changing is your primary question.

When I heard Tony mention it in the documentary, I knew I had to reflect on that.

Which I did a couple of days ago.


I simply asked myself:

What’s my primary question? And what can I change it into, so that I get new and better results?


My intuition gave me the answer instantly:

“Your primary question is ‘Why?’

And you should change that to ‘How?’ ”


I immediately knew this was true for me.

Even though I didn’t rationally understand it yet.

So I explored it further.


‘WHY?’ is absolutely the question I asked most frequently since the day I was born:

Why do people say one thing when they mean something else entirely?

Why do people do things they don’t want to do?

Why must I do this?

Why can’t I do that?

And so on.


It’s a question with tremendous value for my clients, my work, and myself:

It helps me get to the core of every issue or problem.

It makes me a great coach.

And it helps my clients not only receive deep transformation, but ensures that the results of that are lasting as well – something that can ONLY happen if you address the root cause of an issue.


AND it’s a question that has held me back and slowed me down many, many times:

When I was more focused on WHY I didn’t do something or WHY something didn’t work out – which kept me focused on the problem instead of the solution.

When I asked myself questions like:

Why is it taking me so long?

Why is this not working for me?

Why am I still not doing this?


When I asked it like this, the question didn’t help me move forward.

It kept me in the place where I already was. And prevented me from creating new results for myself.


THAT’S why my new primary question is now: HOW?

I’m keeping the beneficial ways to ask the WHY-question, of course.

That will never change. When used in the right way, it has tremendous value.

I know when to ask WHY, and when to ask HOW.

As an open question meant to open my mind and allow solutions & inspired actions to come to me, of course!!!


NOT as a rigid, ‘I’ve got to figure this shit out from beginning to end before I can take one step forward!’ kind of question!


I know enough about manifesting to know that asked in THAT way, asking HOW can keep you just as stuck as asking WHY in an unconstructive way.

‘How’ is none of your business – you don’t have to KNOW how you’re going to do something, you only have to decide that you WILL.

The steps, answers, people, ideas, inspiration and opportunities you need to manifest it will show up exactly when you need them once you’re committed to whatever you want to manifest.


But asked like this, it’s a question that is incredibly helpful – because it helps you find a solution and a way to move forward:

How can I keep this simple?

How can I let this unfold?

How can I open up to receive more, be more, have more, give more?

How can I turn this into an advantage?

How can I start manifesting this TODAY?



It’s only been two days since I changed my primary question.

But I can already feel the difference it makes in my energy, my focus, and my actions.

I had no idea how often I ask ‘why’ in a totally unproductive and unhelpful way.

Now that I do, I’m turning every unhelpful ‘WHY?’ into a constructive ‘HOW?’

And boy, that’s a big shift!


Over to you now:

  • What is your primary question?
  • What do you focus on as a result of that?
  • How does that affect your results?
  • And which new primary question changes your focus and helps you create the results you desire?


Good luck!



© Brigitte van Tuijl



P.S.: Want to learn the best and easiest way to manifest anything and everything?

My program Business Magic teaches you all about it in a very practical, step-by-step way. 



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